Sunday, May 30, 2010

Can my toddler visit your chickens?

Weird request spotted on Craig's List:

"My 2.5 yr old daughter is currently obsessed with chickens after watching a Netflix movie about chickens. Is anyone with a small brood of chickens willing to let my family visit them this weekend? We have been to the Oregon Zoos petting area but we aren't really up for a hectic trip to the zoo on a holiday weekend. We would make sure she is aware of rules such as being quiet and gentle. Please email if ya' got some chicks that are up for being on display & thanks!"

Saturday, May 29, 2010

No expanation necessary

For more Perry Bible Fellowship:

Friday, May 28, 2010

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important."

-- Bertrand Russell

Irony & Absurdity

Found on Craig's List . . .

Under NW apartment rentals:

"For your comfort pets, smoking are not allowed. "


Under Books:

"I have very old books. Please make an offer. All are from the mid 1950's. I have two boxes."

Concepts of "comfort" and "old" are relative.

Dear Author

Dear Mrs. Lessep,

Thanks for letting us read, once again, "The Mistletoe's Little Shoes." After careful consideration, we have concluded that this work still does not meet our needs. I am sorry you were misled by the phrase "does not meet our needs at this time" into thinking you should submit it again. In the publishing world "at this time" really means "forever."

A. Whittaker,
Editor at Soup

-- From The Cry of the Sloth: A Complete Account by Sam Savage, 2009

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Someday: LOST - Back in the Day

This coming Sunday (tomorrow) LOST will come to a conclusion . . . or if not a conclusion, at least the end of the final episode. LOST is the sole reason I still have a television and continue to tweak the rabbit ears in a vain attempt to maintain digital reception. I'll miss it. Clever non-cable (read: you don't have to pay more to receive it) programs are getting rarer and rarer.

I'm not on Twitter but the tweeting about LOST is interesting to read. I like this one:

"Thanks to LOST, my husband's wedding vows included the sentence, 'I want to be your constant,' and half the guests got it."

Twenty or thirty years into the future, that line's gonna date you.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Food Fight

If such a thing as a "Freedom Fry" can exist, then is it much of a stretch to imagine that there might be "Traitor Tots" out there? "Chicken Plot Pie?"

I think not.

Sitting on the Gutenberg Bible

There's very likely a house somewhere where illiterate people are using a Gutenberg bible as a baby booster seat.

"I reckon it's a holy book," they might say, scratching their heads, "But it's just the size to get that baby right up to the table. Ain't no good for anything else. It's kinda old, though, and we'd probably toss it iffen we could find a good-sized encyclopedia instead."

I stop at a paper sale and rummage half-heartedly through the boxes of old recipes and greeting cards with Cocker Spaniels. Suddenly, here are original hand-drawn Christmas cards by Marc Davis, one of the original nine old men of Walt Disney Studio. The creator of Malificent, Tinkerbell and Cruella DeVil once sent holiday greetings to a friend in Oregon and nobody in the Odd Fellows lodge had a clue.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Operator Also Makes Ice

Discovered on a thread related to answering machine messages:

"Hello, this is the refrigerator speaking. The answering machine is on vacation but if you'll leave your name and telephone number, I'll write it on a piece of paper and stick it to myself with one of these little magnets."
"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."

- Friedrich Nietzsche